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Post by LaurelTree on Oct 21, 2016 13:50:12 GMT -5
 The Starless Clans
Reconciled Sins
A betrayal... A curse... And an uncertain future...
When three Clans war with one another to the point of destruction, two cats flee out of desperation for something more. And when Starclan turns their backs on them just as they had done to their Clan, it seems all is lost for this pair racked with guilt.
Yet, Starclan doesn't rule every sky, not does their influence sway every heart. Crowpaw, an apprentice among the dead cats' ranks, leaves her ancestral hunting grounds among the stars to guide the cats who fled...
It seems a new life will begin under a starless sky, but it's up to you to help tell the story.
Who We Are
The Starless Clans is a liberal traditional Warriors roleplay that's new, literate, realistic, and looking for members. Please consider joining The Starless Clans' roleplay community. We strive to provide an interesting plot as well as the individual freedoms that everyone deserves. Games and Events will be held throughout the roleplay for members to enjoy as well.
What We're Looking For
| Active Members | Creative Thinking | | Experienced Roleplayers | Realism Junkies | | Artists | Writers | | Coders | Animal Lovers | | Staff Support | Comments and Suggestions |
So what are you waiting for? The forests are calling... |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 14:03:26 GMT -5
Alright. After a quick glance at it(I'm still working on my bio so I can't take a very detailed look at this, may add in more stuff once I actually read it carefully.), some more exposition on who the three Clans are seems better. (Nothing too much, probably one sentence or so)
Also, I think this needs a bit of reworking.
Something seems wrong with the sentence up there, but I can't exactly pinpoint it.
'Dead cats' ranks'? It sounds a bit... unpolished. How about
?
One last thing(probably a minor thing though), the banner on the top and the bottom may needs a bit of reworking to fit with the rounded-corners template.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 14:06:30 GMT -5
I really like it but I just want to point out one Gammar Error
"Yet, Starclan doesn't rule every sky, not does their influence sway every heart."
I assume you ment nor
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Post by LaurelTree on Oct 21, 2016 14:20:01 GMT -5
Alright. After a quick glance at it(I'm still working on my bio so I can't take a very detailed look at this, may add in more stuff once I actually read it carefully.), some more exposition on who the three Clans are seems better. (Nothing too much, probably one sentence or so) Also, I think this needs a bit of reworking. Something seems wrong with the sentence up there, but I can't exactly pinpoint it. 'Dead cats' ranks'? It sounds a bit... unpolished. How about ? One last thing(probably a minor thing though), the banner on the top and the bottom may needs a bit of reworking to fit with the rounded-corners template. I'd have to agree with that one sentence seeming kinda off, but I don't really know how else to put it. Maybe Red can help me with that. And I like your suggestion for the sentence with Crowpaw; I will fix that. As for the rounded corner issue, I was about to say that I tried to fix it, but couldn't get it to function differently, but then I remembered something that I could do. Yay for brain farts! Thanks, Shepherd! I really like it but I just want to point out one Gammar Error "Yet, Starclan doesn't rule every sky, not does their influence sway every heart." I assume you ment nor Ah! Yes, "nor" is exactly what I meant, lol. Thanks, Trick! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 14:21:17 GMT -5
I like it, one thing is that it only fits mobile when the screen in flipped over. Instead of using pixels for sizing the using percentages if they work, this'll apply to to fit mobile and small screens.
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Post by LaurelTree on Oct 21, 2016 14:59:52 GMT -5
I like it, one thing is that it only fits mobile when the screen in flipped over. Instead of using pixels for sizing the using percentages if they work, this'll apply to to fit mobile and small screens. That's kind of a hard thing to change, but I also don't think it will be too much of a problem. If I can find a way to fix that, though, I will. Thanks, Kendyll! |
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Post by Red Wolf on Oct 21, 2016 15:20:56 GMT -5
I like it, it fits out updated plot and seems a wee bit more mature? if I may. I do agree with everyone on their inputs; try 'weighed' instead of 'racked', and possibly change 'an apprentice among the dead cats' rank' try 'an apprentice among the ranks of Starclan'.
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Post by LaurelTree on Oct 21, 2016 15:26:51 GMT -5
I like it, it fits out updated plot and seems a wee bit more mature? if I may. I do agree with everyone on their inputs; try 'weighed' instead of 'racked', and possibly change 'an apprentice among the dead cats' rank' try 'an apprentice among the ranks of Starclan'. Gotcha! Thanks, sissy! |
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Post by Red Wolf on Oct 21, 2016 15:47:50 GMT -5
Or, to keep Starclan out of two sentences in a row, you could say 'an apprentice among the ranks of of the dead'. Sounds a bit more intimidating but I believe will be more grammatically correct for the whole paragraph.
I was replying to the rp when I read this and commented, so my brain wasn't really focusing. Distracted brain be distracted.
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Post by LaurelTree on Oct 21, 2016 16:47:10 GMT -5
Okay, here's the edited version. I couldn't do to the border and images what I was hoping, but I do think I like this a little better. Nothing in the text has been changed except the typos and phrases y'all mentioned. The Starless Clans
Reconciled Sins
A betrayal... A curse... And an uncertain future...
When three Clans war with one another to the point of destruction, two cats flee out of desperation for something more. And when Starclan turns their backs on them just as they had done to their Clan, it seems all is lost for this pair weighed with guilt.
Yet, Starclan doesn't rule every sky, nor does their influence sway every heart. Crowpaw, an apprentice among the starry ancestors' ranks, leaves her ancestral hunting grounds among the stars to guide the cats who fled...
It seems a new life will begin under a starless sky, but it's up to you to help tell the story.
Who We Are
The Starless Clans is a liberal traditional Warriors roleplay that's new, literate, realistic, and looking for members. Please consider joining The Starless Clans' roleplay community. We strive to provide an interesting plot as well as the individual freedoms that everyone deserves. Games and Events will be held throughout the roleplay for members to enjoy as well.
What We're Looking For
| Active Members | Creative Thinking | | Experienced Roleplayers | Realism Junkies | | Artists | Writers | | Coders | Animal Lovers | | Staff Support | Comments and Suggestions |
So what are you waiting for? The forests are calling... |
|
